Belly at Large: How to Have Good Photos

Yo, home girls!

Yo so Belly, gato supremo. Repeat after me, "gato supremo, gato supremo, gato supremo!" Ok, good. You are such nice kitties! Here's your cat treat.

Ahem, although I'm not Chairman Meow (and I know the guy, he's a friend of Fidel Catstro), I believe a lil' bit of cat worship doesn't hurt anybody. After all, Dog God put us on Earth for human to worship, right? Right? So, please feel free to pamper me and for the thousandth time, Dao, please do not feed me chicken flavored cat food. It tastes like cardboard, can you believe she still feeds me that after all of my complaints here? Anyways, thanks to her and her cat food, I lost weight without going to Jenny Craig.

But enough about me. Today, yours truly gato supremo will show you how to have good photos. As we all know, I'm blessed with good genes. People says I look like Cat Pitt crossed with George Maine Cooney. I do agree. I'm very good looking. That's why the ladies love me. My nickname is LLCoolCat. Got it?

But that doesn't mean I look good all the time. You should have seen me when I just woke up. Or when I have wet fur. Or when I'm hungry. I guess you get the picture. Not pretty. And I make sure the human handler/ paparazzi doesn't take pictures of me during those moments. Or any moment at all. But alas, I'm handsome and I'm famous, they can't help themselves.

But again, not all about moi. We're here to transform you into some photo vixens. Believe it or not, it's not hard to do. I dug up my archive from Dao's computer and realized one thing: it's all about the angle. Once you got it pat down, you're set for life!

See what I mean? Not my angle!

Something wrong about that picture:

1. Unless you're a bikini model, don't take pictures that show your stomach. See, I looked fat, cranky, and clawy. Well, the last 2 are true but I'm not fat. I'm just husky.

2. I look old. While I'm not a spring chicken anymore, I believe I'm still very robust. Well, robust enough to win fights with raccoons and possums. This picture just made me look old, fat, cranky, and clawy.

Keep. Yo. Eyes. Open!

Unless you're a cat who's acting cute, keep your eyes open at all cost. And I mean it, Dao! Don't laugh too much!

No pictures of you in your private moment. Private things should be private.

I believe the paparazzi/human handler has incriminating pictures of moi in my most private moments. I threatened to sue her for better cat food and she keeps the lid tight. But really, do you consider that a good picture? I think not!

Ain't a picture of mine but I'm just sayin': privacy including no photos of people or cat sleeping, too!

Well, that's cute for kitties and babies but for adults, please don't do it. Unless it's a prank and it's really funny.

And now, what works:

Straight face with camera slightly above my head

I might look like a lolipop head here but look at me, I'm slim. Look at the first picture. Then look at me. Then look at the first picture. See how good looking I am?

And last but not least, my latest photo: the camera is waaay above my head but I look like a teenager here.

To conclude: you need to find your angle. Some people look good on the left, others on the right, others just smack dab at the center. I'm in the last group. You need to find that angle, record it, and practice it over and over and over again. It's not that difficult. You need a digital camera, a friend (or a tripod and self-timer function). Then take about 300 pictures of yourself in different angles. Then sit down and analyze what looks the best. And then, finally, you practice posing, smilin' with yo eyes and stuff.

Believe me, you can be photogenic. It's all about the angle. Also, diet and exercise helps. And I mean it, that chicken cat food diet does wonder to my body. Either that or I have worms. Dao, I mean, Mommy! Please take me to the clinic!

Love, peace, and tuna fish,

Mr. Belly, gato supremo

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